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Another NGE Kink Meme Fill

Title: I'm Outside the Door, Invite Me In
Series: Evangelion
Word Count:
Rating: PG-13
Characters/ships: Kawoshin (Campus Apocalypse)
Summary: Shinji isn't sure he likes Ayanami anymore, and he has to worry about Kaworu's definition of "being close."
Warnings: None.

Shinji had spent more time thinking about pale skin than he’d like to admit. He wondered about the bandages Ayanami wore, how soft her hands and lips must be. He wondered if she had any kinds of scars from all those injuries. Then he wonders at the lack of scarring on Kaworu’s back, wondering how his skin was so flawless with all that blood he had seen. He thinks maybe the scars are just hidden, somehow, and the skin would feel rough under his fingertips. He’s a little embarrassed when he realizes whose skin he’s thinking about. He’s also a little surprised and a little ashamed at himself when he can’t quite stop thinking about it.

He thinks of how the white of his skin contrasts against the black of his uniform, the jacket he wears even now as Shinji’s uniform jacket it discarded by the door. How his pale skin emphasises the brilliant red of his eyes. The softness of his fingertips despite his professed love of the violin, the way those fingers linger over his hand, a comfortable (familiar?) weight as they sit on the floor next to Shinji’s bed together. Kaworu had come over again without warning, tagging along with Shinji after school. He's leaning against the bed, eyes intently focused on the drama playing on the television screen. Which Shinji realizes he hadn't even been pretending to pay attention to. He turns his attention back to the screen, hoping to get as engrossed as Kaworu was.

Which lasts until he realizes that it’s a romantic drama. And that the two leads are talking about how they’d be happy to have the other by their side. His gaze flicks over to Kaworu, the pale boy’s words from the other day reverberating in his head. I would be happy to have you fight by my side. Kaworu is leaning back against the bed, head tilted to the side as if he were studying the scene playing in front of them. His fingers drum on top of Shinji’s own. He seems totally still, save for his breathing and the movement of his fingers. Shinji knows he should look away again, but he can’t bring himself to do so until Kaworu gives a soft “hmm” towards the screen, his eyebrows rising in interest. Curious, Shinji looks back to the screen and-


The couple had stopped talking and were now. . . kissing. Quite passionately. Shinji finds it quite easy after that to look anywhere that isn’t Kaworu or the television. He squirms uncomfortably, awkwardly sipping at his drink. It’s only when he hears the characters talking again that he feels comfortable looking at the screen again, though he still can’t bring himself to glance at Kaworu again. He focuses intently on the screen. Though he’s not really concentrating on the content of the drama itself, but instead simply on the act of concentrating. As the drama draws to an end, he feels Kaworu’s gaze on him, making him shift around awkwardly again.

“Wh-what is it?” He asks.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing.” Kaworu shifts his attention back the the television, apparently studying the credits and the cutesy ending animation.

Shinji sighs, hoping to appear as relaxed as Kaworu does. He sets himself to reading the list of names flashing by on the screen, hoping to take his mind of the boy next to him and the heat that stubbornly refuses to leave his cheeks. It works, and Shinji manages to relax again, and have some light, cheerful conversations with Kaworu. For a while at least. During some kind of commercial, Kaworu shifts considerably closer to him, shaking Shinji out of his mind. The stubborn blush returns when he turns his head to see just how close Kaworu actually has gotten, his face barely an inch away from Shinji’s. Shinji’s breath nearly stops and his heart settles somewhere high in his throat. Kaworu chuckles.

“Is something wrong?”

“oh, n-” Shinji stammers “no, nothing.”

Shinji hardly finishes speaking before Kaworu moves, brushing their lips together. It’s a soft warm feeling, and it makes Shinji flush hot even as he tenses, staring incredulously at Kaworu’s closed eyes. He somehow flushes even hotter when he notices the faint pink on Kaworu’s cheeks. His heart is beating wildly in his chest, practically drowning out the sound of the television. After what feels like much too long and not long enough, Kaworu pulls back. His eyes flutter open and he’s looking right at Shinji and Shinji’s mind scrambles wildly for something to say. His heart and his head kick into overdrive when Kaworu smiles at him again - and it’s a softer, shy smile that Shinji has never ever seen directed at him.

“Uh-uhm,” Shinji stammers as his voice starts to work again “Kaworu, what. . .what was that for?”

“My understanding is that this is something you do to someone you are close to, correct?”

“N-no, that’s not,” Shinji sighed, hating the disappointment that settles cold in his chest. He looks away from Kaworu, pushing his hair back in frustration. Of course it’s just a misunderstanding on Kaworu’s part, what else would it be? It’s because Kaworu’s weird, that’s all it is. Weird like how much he takes up Shinji’s thoughts lately, weird like the heat in Shinji’s cheeks and the flutter of his heart. “That’s not something you do with just someone you’re close to. It has to be a. . .a-a special person.”

“I only want to do that with Shinji-kun, though.”

Shinji’s attention snaps back to Kaworu, and he’s surprised at the way Kaworu looks at him. His cheeks are pinker and his gaze is soft. He looks almost pleading and it makes any thought of Kaworu being weird fly out of Shinji’s head as he simply marvels at how lovely Kaworu looks. it’s all he can do to remember to breath when Kaworu leans close once more.

“So . . . “ he says quietly, as if he’s afraid of being overheard. “Could I do it again?”

Shinji’s heart skips what feels like 12 beats, but he finds himself nodding. “. . .okay.”

Kaworu leans in towards Shinji again, his eyes sliding shut, and Shinji finds himself doing the same. Their lips meet and it’s just a bit crooked and awkward, and it occurs to Shinji that Kaworu is trying to do exactly what he sees in dramas and movies. It makes Shinji hum into the kiss, amused, and he moves to try and make it feel a little better. Shinji is the one to pull back this time, and Kaworu smiles at him again with the same soft, adoring and shy smile. The entirety of the situation catches up with Shinji all at once then, making his face burn hot. He leans against Kaworu, burying his face in Kaworu’s shoulder.

“Shinji, what’s wrong? Did you not like it?”

“No! no, it’s was r-really nice, I just . . i just need a second.”

They stay like that for awhile, leaning against each other. Kaworu is a little tense and Shinji can tell he’s made their little sweet moment too awkward and uncomfortable. He feels stupid and awkward and he’s made things weird again, god, he’s so stupid. He sighs and stands up, flopping face-down on his bed in frustration and and embarrassment.

“Shinji . . “ Kaworu says. Shinji hears him walk around to the side of his bed, and feels him sitting down next to him. He doesn’t say anything, and Kaworu’s quiet doesn’t feel awkward or imposing. Somehow it’s comforting, a warm openness that invites Shinji to speak rather than pushing for it. Even so, Shinji fidgets awkwardly before speaking.

“. . .You don’t think this is weird?” He asks quietly.

“Why would it be weird?”

“Well, it’s just,” Shinji sighs and turns to his side so he can look at Kaworu. The pale boy is smiling down at him and it makes Shinji blush again, but Kaworu’s soft expression is comforting all the same. “I-I’ve never like a guy before.”

Kaworu chuckles “I can’t say I have, either.”

Shinji can’t help but smile. “Well, yeah, but you probably haven’t liked anyone before.”

“Well, I do have to admit that’s true.” Kaworu says, chuckling again. He lies down next to Shinji, gently taking hold of the other boy’s hand, watching as Shinji shyly intertwines their fingers. His expression is quiet, more thoughtful than before. “So, my experience is definitely limited, but I believe that if two people become particularly close, it wouldn’t be weird for a . . . romantic attraction to develop. And, possibly,” his eyes flick back to Shinji’s “A relationship of um, similar nature.”

Shinji is struck silent at the hesitation in Kaworu’s voice and the deepening blush. He marvels at how strongly the red stands out on his pale skin, and how it makes his red eyes glimmer even more. It makes Shinji smile, and move closer to Kaworu until he’s right against his shoulder again.

“Do you. . .” Shinji asks, quietly “want to? H-have something like that with me, I mean?”

“I am certainly not opposed to it, if you would like to.”

Shinji takes a deep, shuddery breath. His heart is beating so hard he’s scared it’ll leap out of his chest. He shyly looks up at Kaworu’s face, looking for any kind of deceit or fakery, but the only thing that greets his sight is a warm sincerity and the hints of a shyness similar to his own. Shinji musters courage from somewhere in his heart and leans up to kiss Kaworu again. Kaworu gladly accepts it with a pleased hum, wrapping his free arm around Shinji’s waist. Keeping their fingers linked, Shinji threads his spare hand in Kaworu’s hair, pressing a little harder against him. His hair is soft and fluffy and Shinji wants to touch it and touch Kaworu forever.

With an unusual sense of daring Shinji rolls Kaworu onto his back and settles on top of him, supporting his weight on his arms. Kaworu is a mess of pinks and reds below him and it makes Shinji flush hot. He starts to lean in again.

“Uhm, you can, you can tell me when you want to stop.”

Kaworu swallows, and then nods. “Alright.”

With that one word, all of Shinji’s inhibitions fly out the window. He closes the remaining distance, pressing his lips against Kaworu’s in a hot, opened mouth kiss, allowing himself to revel in how Kaworu presses up against him in response. He nibbles at Kaworu’s bottom lip until his mouth obligingly parts. Before he can think to much about it he plunges right in, sliding his tongue against Kaworu’s. Kaworu jolts and makes a surprised sort of moan that makes every inch of Shinji flush hot. He threads his fingers through Kaworu’s hair again, holding Kaworu against him as Kaworu’s hands slide under his button shirt, caressing his sides.

He pulls back and then leans in again, kissing along Kaworu’s jaw before dipping down to attend to his neck. Kaworu whimpers at the first wet press of Shinji’s mouth, and starts to squirm and sigh as Shinji continues his ministrations, biting and licking at the soft skin. He only pauses when he realizes the marks he’ll probably leave. He leans back again, taking in the sight of Kaworu breathless and flushed underneath him. Shinji can already see hickeys forming on Kaworu’s neck, and it makes all the heat in his body concentrate in his face. Kaworu chuckles.

“You look so pretty when your face is red.” He says.

Shinji pouts. “You’re the one that’s really red, you know.”

Kaworu chuckles again, taking an arm away from Shinji’s side to caress his neck. 

“Yes, I suppose that’s true.” He says before leaning up to copy Shinji’s actions lightly biting Shinji’s neck before kissing and sucking the same spot. Shinji gasps at the sensation, a hard shiver running down his spine.

“Nngh, Kaworuuu”

Shinji presses their mouths back together in a wet, sloppy kiss. He’s completely forgotten about seeming weird or if he’s doing this right or anything else. He’s totally lost in wanting to feel everything in this moment, feel all of Kaworu. He’s lost in Kaworu’s sighs and moans, how he moves against Shinji and how heat is starting to pool in dangerous places on Shinji’s body. Shinji’s hands fall away from Kaworu’s face and hair, sliding down to the bottom of his shirt. Cautiously slipping his hands underneath the fabric, he spreads his fingers to feel more of Kaworu’s skin. He trails up to feel Kaworu’s chest, and that’s when Kaworu’s hips lift against his own and it’s Shinji’s turn to moan.

The two of them freeze, not knowing how or if they should move. Shinji swallows thickly against the sudden lump in his throat. He sits up on his knees, very much aware of how he is right between Kaworu’s legs. Very much aware of Kaworu’s exposed hips and stomach and how his heavy breathing moves his stomach. It all makes Shinji feel a little light headed and dizzy but very, very much alive. Cautiously, slowly, he pushes Kaworu’s shirt up a little farther, feeling the bottom of his ribs. Then his hand is trailing back down, down over Kaworu’s stomach and hip bones and slowing at his belt. Wondering if he should, if this is really okay, if Kaworu wants it as much as he does-

Shinji’s is jolted out of his thoughts, him and Kaworu both jumping at a sudden burst of music. Kaworu, blushing wildly, sits up and pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“H-hello?” He answers, doing a poor job at speaking evenly. Shinji can’t help but chuckle a bit before Kaworu continues speaking. “Oh, Asuka. . .right, sorry. . I um,” Kaworu blushes a deep red again. “ j-just lost track of time . .ok, yes . . yes, we’ll be right there.” He hangs up.

“There’s a meeting, isn’t there?” Shinji asks, his heart falling and body cooling.

“Yes, it seems we’re already quite late.” Kaworu answers as he straightens his attire. “So, it seems we’ll have to stop for now. Of course,”
The way he smirks at Shinji then makes him feel just as hot as he did before. “We could always continue afterwards.”


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September 2014

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